dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
