its not stalking. its research.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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