i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
