he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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