Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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