These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
