Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
