he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
