I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
