Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
