I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
