I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
