there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
