Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
