I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found your dick twin last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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