WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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