Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
