I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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