Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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