I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
