Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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