she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
