you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
