I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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