I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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