just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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