I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
