Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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