it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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