Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
