you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
