I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
