Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
