he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
