No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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