He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
