I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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