Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
