I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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