God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
