never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
