I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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