I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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