I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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