I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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