I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
organizing the empties. That sober.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
