its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
