It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
