she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
