WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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