Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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