Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize