I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
