Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
