so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I won the penis lottery.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
