i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
