All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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