The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
