I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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