As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have already put on my inside pants.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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