Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
