I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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