I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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