i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
