all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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