it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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