I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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